6 Emotional Phases of Divorce: The Healing Process

Phase Two: Anger

I hope you took me up on my challenge from last month's article. Moving outside your comfort zone can be extremely frightening, but as I am sure you found it can be very exciting and rewarding. Now that you have the tools to conquer the fear that turns up in your life, let's take a look at the next phase, Anger.

Anger Defined

According to www.answers.com, anger is defined as "a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility". I can say that I wholeheartedly agree with that definition. When I was going through this phase during my healing processes, I definitely exhibited "strong feelings of displeasure and hostility".

Where It Shows Up

My husband, my daughter and I lived in our house for approximately six years before my husband moved out. Everything seemed to be working just fine, by everything I mean the appliances, etc. Well, my husband moves out and within that year everything decided to go wrong. First the refrigerator quit working, so I needed to buy a new one. And of course it decided to stop working in the middle of a summer during a dinner party I was having. Around the same time, every faucet in the house decided to leak and the tiles in my daughters shower felt like popping out. Trust me I am no plumber or carpenter. It so happened that the year he left was the rainiest year on record so needless to say my basement flooded. Finally, the fuel pump on my vehicle went and if any of you know about fuel pumps when they go they just go no warning. So mine decided to go bad when I was driving my daughter home from work at 10:00 pm at night, stopped running right in the middle of the road.

Can you see where all of this is going? Sure I blamed him for all these things going wrong. My favorite saying was "Boy he knew when to jump ship". During that year I experienced a great deal of anger. Anger that manifested itself so strongly that I ended up in tears more times then not.

Ways of Dealing with Anger

The first step in dealing with anger is to acknowledge it and find out the source. Once you have done this it is easier to feel it and move through it. Some ways that can help you move through anger are:

1) Venting: either alone or with a venting partner
2) Journaling
3) Anger Letters
4) Physical Outlet: punching a pillowing or exercising

Venting: this provides a safe outlet for your angry words and emotions. A venting partner is someone who is willing to listen and support you, without input, during your venting process.

Journaling: you can write down all the angry words that you are feeling in a safe place. Getting the toxic thoughts out of your head and on to paper helps you move safely through your anger.

Anger letters: you write a letter to the person that you believe is the source of your anger this could be a spouse, a child or yourself. The important thing to remember is that this letter is not going to be sent to the person. It is a safe way to address your feelings while respecting the other person. After the letter is written, you should destroy it, by ripping it up, burning them or during a letting go ceremony. This is a great way to release those angry feelings toward others or yourself.

Physical Outlet: it is proven that physical exertion provides emotional release and encourages positive thoughts.

Action Step

I encourage you to try one or several of these methods to deal with your anger. If you try any of these options I would love to hear your thoughts. Also, if you have methods that you found to be effective in dealing with anger I would love to learn about them. Please email me at coach@lisafredette.com.

If you want to learn more about dealing with anger, I encourage you to sign up for the group coaching sessions that are beginning soon. Contact me at coach@lisafredette.com for more details.

Next Phase 3 - "Regret""