The mind is important in that its the recorder of our lives. It stores all we will ever know as memories. These are beautiful things that can be used in both evil and good ways. While we should learn from our memories, reflecting on them in understanding that we are mortal, we are also scared of our pasts and events that have held dark meanings. Wed like to think that we have control of what we want to remember and how to remember it, but our mind is more powerful than many give credit for. I have two memories that I can claim as my oldest, though I am unsure which is indeed the older. The first is the image of myself being in a hospital, in a crib in a corner, with other kids in the room. I can remember leaving the hospital in a wheel chair. This was for my hernia operation. The other memory is an image of a church, the inside large and beautiful, and me sitting with my aunt and uncles. I was told that this was the funeral of my great grandmother. I could ask my mother which is older, but I don't want to. Part of the beauty of the memories is that I don't know which is older, that I don't know when they are from. They are like hallucinations that don't leave my head, but yet they are so close to palpable. There is just something about not really knowing them that makes them even more special. This can be one of the greatest things about memories. They can span over our lifetime and become so intertwined in who we are that they become both past, present and future. It's weird that we don't remember our earliest memories of life. It makes sense in a way I suppose. Minds aren't all that developed when we're born, so they are changing and losing thoughts. But it's weird to live a part of your life and then forget it. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't remember my early years. When I look at photographs I can remember other events, but these are the only two from such early on that are stuck in my head without aid. . It's sad that we won't remember all our memories, that they slowly fade from out thoughts with untouched grace. I don't know if it's my memories that spark it or my dreams, but I get 'deja vu' almost everyday. There would be times when I would be driving in a car, or playing somewhere, and I would be overcome with a feeling of this already existing. It wasn't just the place that would make it, but the actions of myself and others, the presences of others, and the conversations around me. It was like I had predicted these in my dreams. I could never place the old feeling with it actually happening, but rather with that of a dream. My mind plays tricks on me like that. But maybe they arent tricks, after all. |
